The Thing You Want Now vs. The Thing You Want More

Why delayed gratification might be one of the most useful skills we can build for our health.

There's a slightly annoying truth about improving our health.

We have to make decisions today for results we probably won't get today.

The chocolate tastes good now.

The second helping is satisfying now.

The wine relaxes us now.

The couch is comfortable now.

Going to bed late means another episode now.

Meanwhile...

Getting stronger takes time.

Improving our fitness takes time.

Losing body fat takes time.

Improving our blood pressure, cholesterol or blood sugar takes time.

Building stronger bones takes years.

And protecting the health of our 60-, 70- and 80-year-old selves?

That's possibly the most delayed reward of all.

We're being asked to choose between something enjoyable sitting directly in front of us...

and benefits for a future version of ourselves we can't even see yet.

Of course that's hard.

But here's the interesting part.

Delayed gratification is a skill.

And like most skills, we can get better at it.

First, what actually is delayed gratification?

Very simply, it's our ability to resist—or sometimes just postpone—a smaller immediate reward in favour of something we value more in the future.

We do it constantly.

We save money instead of spending every dollar we earn.

We go to bed instead of watching another episode.

We study instead of going out.

We train when we'd rather stay home.

Looking after our health requires exactly the same skill.

Not because we have to spend our lives saying no to things we enjoy.

But because occasionally we need to be able to say:

"I want that. But I want something else more."

That's a very different mindset from restriction.

The problem is, our brains LOVE now.

Humans aren't particularly brilliant at valuing future rewards.

A reward generally becomes less psychologically powerful the further into the future it is—a phenomenon researchers call delay discounting.

In plain English:

Now is exciting. Later is a bit... meh.

And immediate rewards have an unfair advantage.

We can see them.

Smell them.

Taste them.

Feel them.

Meanwhile, the benefits of going for a walk today might be practically invisible.

One strength session won't dramatically change our body.

One balanced lunch won't suddenly improve our cholesterol.

Going to bed early tonight won't guarantee perfect health at 70.

Skipping one mindless snack won't suddenly result in fat loss.

And our brain knows that.

"Come on. One won't matter."

And it's right.

One probably won't.

The problem is that one decision repeated hundreds or thousands of times absolutely does.

That's where health is built.

Our health is basically thousands of tiny negotiations.

It's rarely one monumental decision.

It's 8:30 pm and we're not hungry, but there's chocolate in the cupboard.

It's deciding whether to go to bed or watch another episode.

It's pouring another wine.

It's going back for seconds even though we're already satisfied.

It's deciding whether to take the stairs.

Whether to go for the walk.

Whether to do the strength session.

Whether to pack lunch or grab whatever's available tomorrow.

None of those decisions seems particularly important on its own.

But collectively?

They're enormous.

Our health is the accumulation of thousands of seemingly insignificant choices.

And that's why delayed gratification matters.

But this is NOT about becoming incredibly disciplined.

This distinction matters.

If our entire health strategy relies on standing in front of a block of chocolate every night screaming internally...

"I WILL NOT EAT YOU."

We've built a terrible strategy.

Willpower gets tired.

We get stressed.

We get hungry.

We sleep badly.

We have crappy days.

And suddenly the chocolate has excellent negotiating skills.

The goal isn't to become better at suffering.

It's to make delayed gratification easier.

Start by making "later" worth something.

It's difficult to sacrifice something enjoyable now for a future we don't particularly care about.

This is why:

"I want to lose 8kg."

can sometimes be surprisingly weak motivation.

Okay.

Why?

What does losing that weight—or improving your health—actually give you?

Maybe it's:

"I want to feel comfortable in my clothes again."

"I want enough energy left at the end of the day for my family."

"I want to feel strong."

"I want to keep hiking when I'm 70."

"I want strong bones as I age."

"I want to reduce my risk of chronic disease."

"I want to walk into my 50s feeling bloody fantastic."

Now we have something.

We're no longer choosing between chocolate and no chocolate.

Or the couch and exercise.

We're choosing between two things we want.

And sometimes...

we choose the thing we want more.

Make the future closer.

Some of the biggest health rewards are years away.

That's a long bloody wait.

So bring the reward forward.

Instead of:

"I want to lose 10kg."

Try:

"I want to follow through on my plan today."

Instead of:

"I want to be strong when I'm 70."

Try:

"I'm doing my strength session today."

Instead of:

"I need to improve my cardiovascular health."

Try:

"I'm getting outside for a 20-minute walk."

Now we get a reward tonight.

We get to go to bed knowing:

I did what I said I would do.

And every time we do that, we're building something else.

Confidence.

We've talked about this before:

Confidence comes after action.

We don't become disciplined and then make good choices.

We make good choices...

and gradually start seeing ourselves as someone who can follow through.

Learn the difference between "I can't" and "not now."

This one is huge.

Imagine someone offers us cake.

"I can't have cake."

Suddenly cake becomes approximately 700% more interesting.

We've created deprivation.

Instead:

"I can absolutely have cake. I just don't particularly want it right now."

Or:

"I'll have some after dinner if I still want it."

That's delayed gratification without restriction.

We're not banning anything.

We're creating a little space between wanting and doing.

And sometimes that's all we need.

Practise the pause.

Urges feel incredibly permanent while we're in them.

They're often not.

So instead of immediately acting, practise waiting.

Ten minutes.

Make a cup of tea.

Have a shower.

Walk outside.

Brush your teeth.

Do something else.

Then ask:

"Do I still want it?"

Sometimes the answer will be yes.

Great.

Have it intentionally and enjoy it.

But sometimes the urge has disappeared.

That's the skill we're building.

Not deprivation.

Choice.

Don't make yourself practise on hard mode.

Delayed gratification gets considerably harder when we're exhausted, stressed or absolutely starving.

So let's stop deliberately creating those conditions and then wondering why we're struggling.

Eat proper meals.

Include enough protein and fibre.

Don't arrive home at 6 pm having survived on coffee and determination since breakfast.

Prioritise sleep where you can.

Make nourishing food easy to grab.

Put your walking shoes somewhere visible.

Book the exercise class in advance.

Make the healthier option the easier option.

This isn't weakness.

It's strategy.

We don't get bonus points for making health unnecessarily difficult.

Decide before the moment arrives.

One of the easiest ways to improve delayed gratification is to stop making every decision in real time.

Decide earlier.

"I'm having two wines tonight."

"I'll have dessert at dinner, so I don't really need the random biscuits beforehand."

"If I'm hungry after dinner, I'll have yoghurt and fruit."

"I'm walking before work tomorrow."

"I'm getting takeaway Friday, so tonight I'm cooking."

"My strength sessions are Tuesday and Saturday."

Now we're not negotiating with ourselves while tired, hungry or staring directly at a bowl of hot chips.

Past-us already made the decision.

Very considerate of her.

And sometimes... choose the immediate reward.

Yep.

Really.

Sometimes we should eat the cake.

Sometimes we should order dessert.

Sometimes we should stay up late laughing with friends.

Sometimes lying on the couch instead of training is exactly what we need.

Delayed gratification doesn't mean always choosing later.

That isn't health either.

It means being able to choose.

There's a massive difference between:

"I decided I really wanted dessert tonight."

and:

"I didn't even really want dessert, but everyone ordered it and then I ate the whole thing."

One is intentional.

The other is automatic.

We're not trying to remove pleasure from our lives in pursuit of some permanently disciplined future self.

Good health should make our lives bigger, not smaller.

We're simply learning not to let every immediate desire automatically outrank everything else we care about.

So how do we actually get better at it?

Start small.

Don't try to become a completely different human tomorrow.

Pick one opportunity each day to practise.

When you want something immediately, pause and ask:

1. Do I actually want this?

Not can I have it.

Do I want it?

2. What do I want more?

Sometimes the answer genuinely will be the chocolate.

Fine.

Sometimes it'll be feeling energised tomorrow.

Sometimes it'll be your fat-loss goal.

Sometimes it'll be protecting your sleep.

Sometimes it'll be getting stronger.

3. Could I have this later?

Not never.

Later.

4. What would make the healthier choice easier?

Could you prepare lunch?

Put your runners out?

Book the class?

Buy better snacks?

Go to bed?

Every time we practise making an intentional choice instead of an automatic one, we're training the skill.

The payoff is much bigger than fat loss.

This is the part I really love.

Delayed gratification isn't a fat-loss trick.

It's a life skill.

And when it comes to health, some of its greatest rewards might be decades away.

The strength training we do now helps build and preserve the muscle we'll rely on as we age.

The weight-bearing exercise we do now supports the bones we'll need later.

The walks, runs and workouts we do today contribute to the cardiovascular fitness that will help us keep doing the things we love.

The food we eat most of the time helps support our brain, muscles, gut, heart and metabolic health.

We are constantly making deposits into a body we'll be living in for decades.

We won't see the return on every deposit immediately.

But that doesn't mean it isn't there.

Your 7-Day Delayed Gratification Challenge

For the next seven days, don't try to be perfect.

Just notice one moment each day where the thing you want now clashes with something you want more.

Pause.

Then ask:

What do I want right now?

What do I want more?

Can both fit—just at different times?

Then make your decision.

Sometimes you'll choose the long-term benefit.

Sometimes you'll choose the immediate pleasure.

That's okay.

The win is that you chose.

You weren't simply running on autopilot.

We're not saying no. We're choosing when to say yes.

Better health doesn't require us to become people who never eat chocolate, drink wine, order pizza, sleep in or sit on the couch.

Thank god.

It requires something far more useful.

The ability to occasionally tolerate:

Not yet.

To make today's choices while remembering tomorrow exists.

To understand that the tiny decisions that don't seem to matter today are quietly accumulating into something that eventually will.

A stronger body.

Better fitness.

More energy.

Improved health.

Fat loss, if that's our goal.

And hopefully a body that continues carrying us into the parts of life we haven't even reached yet.

Because our future self doesn't get a vote unless we give them one.

So next time right now and what I really want are fighting it out...

Give future-you a seat at the table too.

She doesn't have to win every time.

But she probably deserves a few more votes.